How to Choose Great Friends
How to Choose a Friend
Making friends can be difficult. Choosing the right people to be friends with can be even harder. That said, you friends are an important part of your life and are crucial for your long term health and happiness. You should seek out friends with common interests that inspire you and avoid toxic people altogether.
Finding People With Similar Interests
Go to themed meet ups.Anything from church to Comicon could house many potential friends. The trick is to find something with a theme that you are interested in and passionate about. Introduce yourself to others at the event and keep in touch with anyone that you find particularly interesting.
- Try checking out Meetup.com for local events. This is a great resource, especially if you have just moved to a new city.
Choosing Inspiring Friends
Look for friends with discipline.We all run a little low on self-discipline from time to time. Studies show, however, that our friends can make or break us in these times. Choose friends that are disciplined and you will be more motivated to reach your own goals. Choose friends that are reckless and you are more likely to go along with their behavior and blow off your own responsibilities. Examples of disciplined friends are people who:
- Go to work when they are supposed to.
- Pay their bills.
- Take care of themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Have successful careers, relationships, etc.
Keep friends that bond emotionally.While common interest can start a friendship, it isn’t enough to sustain one. Friends need to bond emotionally. Friends that offer you emotional support during difficult times are essential to a healthy, happy life. Make sure that you return the favor and show support for your friend, too. Gravitate towards people who:
- Check in with you to see how you are doing.
- You can rely on to help you in difficult times.
- Allow themselves to be vulnerable with you and seem trusting of you.
Surround yourself with positive people.The attitudes of your friends will influence your own attitude. By surrounding yourself with positive friends, you will be uplifting your own attitude. Simply avoid pursuing a friendship with anyone who seems rude, self-centered, or pessimistic. This way, you won’t have to break off that friendship later.Be on the lookout for people who are:
- Nice and helpful to strangers.
- Optimistic about their career, family, and life.
Avoiding Toxic Friends
Consider the person’s impact on your happiness.Try to make friends with people that make you feel good, but keep in mind that difficult conversations within relationships are sometimes necessary. However, if you frequently feel unwelcome or unappreciated around someone, do not try to build a friendship with them. You are under no obligation to befriend anyone who makes you feel bad.
- Ask yourself after having spent time with someone “Did I enjoy myself?” If the answer is yes, spend more time with them. If the answer is no, spend less time with them.
Let go of people that make you feel bad or who engage in harmful behaviors.Sometimes old friends change, or we change and they remain the same. When this happens, your old friend may make you feel bad. This can range anywhere from feeling guilty about your success to being uncomfortable with the situations you end up in with that friend. When this happens, you should let go of that friendship and allow yourself to move on to friendships that better fit your needs.
- For example, you might tell your college friend “I know we used to have a lot of fun partying, but now I have responsibilities that I take seriously. I am not interested in living the same lifestyle that you live.”
- If a friend is engaging in irresponsible behavior without acknowledging a need to change, then it may be time to let go of that friendship.
Cut ties with anyone that abuses your relationship.People abuse relationships in many ways. Your friend might constantly borrow money off of you and never pay it back, they might call at all hours of the night for emotional support but never answer your calls, or they might be physically abusive. Regardless of the type of abuse or manipulation, friendships aren’t meant to operate this way. Both sides should be giving and receiving emotional and other support.
- If you are being abused or manipulated, you likely won’t enjoy the time you spend with that friend anyway.
QuestionI was never able to choose friends, I always ended up to be chosen. The same with love relationships. I always ended up with people I didn't really like. How do I change this?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerA relationship goes both ways. It cannot be maintained only by one party. Apart from family, many other relationships, such as friends and lovers, can be chosen. Believe that you do have the power to choose. Identify the people you want to surround yourself with. Approach them, and give them more of your time and attention (than the people you don't really like). They will understand that you like their company, and if they like your company too, they will also want to spend more time with you. When that happens, congratulations! You have found yourself a new friend! As for those you don't really like, it is okay to politely say no to invitations and overtures.Thanks!
QuestionI have a friend who is no longer close to me. I stopped our friendship because of another girl who always hurt me. I want my first friend back. What can I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf your friend left for that other girl, confront her about it. It may help if you don't make this dramatic, where many people are involved. It would probably be easier to talk to them directly, and if she runs away or doesn't want to talk to you, get a mutual friend to give her the message.Thanks!
Video: 10 Differences Between Good Friends and Toxic Friends
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